Alex was a talented marketing specialist in a company in Jakarta. Creative, hardworking, and passionate–but there was one problem: Alex took everything personally.
When a colleague gave feedback on a campaign, Alex saw it as a personal insult. If the boss didn’t reply to an email right away, Alex assumed they were being ignored. A missed meeting invite? Clearly, a sign of disrespect.
Over time, this mindset wore Alex down. Productivity dropped, confidence wavered, and work became a constant source of stress. What could have been minor hiccups in a normal workday felt like personal failures.
Sounds familiar?
Many of us have been there. The truth is, taking things personally at work can crush your confidence, damage relationships, and even stall your career. But what if you could flip the script?
Why We Take Things Personally (And Why It’s Killing Our Potential)
There are several reasons why people take things personally:
- Bad early childhood experiences: Many individuals develop heightened sensitivity to criticism based on their early interactions with caregivers and authority figures. Experiences of rejection or invalidation during childhood can lead to a tendency to perceive slights in adulthood as personal attacks.
- Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem are more likely to take things personally, viewing criticism as confirmation of their perceived inadequacies. This can create a cycle where negative feedback reinforces their low self-worth, making them more sensitive to external opinions.
- Negative self-talk: Using negative self-talk as motivation can contribute to taking things personally. When individuals are harsh on themselves, they may interpret external feedback through a distorted lens, amplifying feelings of inadequacy and defensiveness.
- Projection of insecurities: People may project their own insecurities onto others, assuming that others share their doubts or criticisms. This projection can cause them to misinterpret neutral comments as personal attacks.
Understanding these factors can help you recognize your tendencies to take things personally and work towards healthier emotional responses in social interactions. Now that we understand why we take things personally, let’s explore how this mindset can hold us back.
Why Taking Things Personally Kills our Potential
Our brains are wired to seek approval and avoid rejection–it’s a survival instinct. But in the modern workplace, that same instinct can backfire. Here’s why:
- Feedback is not a failure – Constructive criticism isn’t about you, it’s about improving the work.
- People Are Busy, Not Malicious – A delayed email or a rushed response usually has nothing to do with you.
- Confidence Erodes Over Time – The more you internalize small things, the more you doubt yourself.
It is evident that employees who take things personally experience higher stress levels, lower job satisfaction, and even burnout. On the flip side, those who detach emotionally recover faster from setbacks and maintain better workplace relationships.
How to Stop Taking Things Personally (Without Becoming a Robot)
- Assume good intentions: Most people aren’t out to get you. If a coworker seems short or a manager critiques your work, chances are they’re just focused on the task–not attacking you.
- Separate Work from Self-Worth: your job is something you do, not who you are. A missed deadline or a rejected idea doesn’t define your value.
- Pause Before Reacting: when something stings, take a breath. Ask yourself: “Is this really about me, or is there another explanation?” Most of the time, it’s the latter.
- Reframe Feedback as Growth: Instead of thinking, “They hate my work,” try, “This is how I can improve.” The most successful professionals see feedback as fuel, not failure.
- Develop a Thicker Skin (Without Losing Your Humanity): Resilience isn’t about not caring–it’s about not letting small things derail you. The more you practice this, the easier it gets.
The Upside of Not Taking Things Personally
When you stop internalizing every little thing, magic happens:
- Better relationships – you’re less defensive, so coworkers communicate more openly with you.
- Higher productivity – less time overanalyzing = more time getting things done.
- Stronger mental health – work stress decreases, and confidence grows.
Final Thought: Should We Ever Take Things Personally?
Here’s the thing–sometimes, a situation is personal. If someone repeatedly disrespects you or crosses clear boundaries, that’s worth addressing. But 90% of the time? It’s not about you.
The key is knowing the difference. By learning to differentiate between real issues and perceived slights, you can navigate work with more confidence and peace of mind.
So, what do you think? Is taking things personally holding you back, or do you think a little sensitivity at work is a good thing?
(And hey, if you’re Alex–don’t worry. You’re not alone. But you can change the narrative!)
Last modified: March 25, 2025
